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A little about ME…

In August 2014 I became a new mum, not only to one baby, but to two babies… Bonnie and Isla are identical twin girls. Since their arrival life has been CHAOS, good and bad CHAOS. Since their arrival I find myself more intimately acquainted with red wine, and met a new friend by the name of prozac (generously donated by the NHS).

When I was pregnant I followed a lot of ‘twin mum’ blogs, I wanted to get a sense of what it was like for twin mums. I painted a very romantic picture of what life would be like (breast feeding, baby wearing, no dummies, Gina Ford routines etc…), and it was as though when Bonnie and Isla arrived they puked and shat all over that painting! My expectations were all wrong! Silly mummy…

Initially, I had my struggles. Going from a life with no babies to a life with two babies is OVERWHELMING… When the girls were three months old my GP prescribed me prozac (fluoxetine) to deal with postnatal depression. For me I felt that PND was wrongly named in my case, it was never a matter of feeling ‘depressed’ for me, I was just entirely overwhelmed by how becoming a new mum can shake up your entire world, it can be a very isolating experience, and I felt annoyed because nobody had ever told me this. Nobody also ever told me how thankless yet heart warming it would be, or how stressful but how rewarding it would be. Motherhood to me was basically one big contradiction, and it was confusing the life out of me!!

I was afraid that going to see my GP to discuss how I was feeling, I feared it would reflect badly upon me as a mother. I was afraid that others would judge, or think that I couldn’t handle motherhood…

F**K THAT! It’s OKAY to feel overwhelmed, it can’t be helped. One must go through the motions. I had a good cry every now and then, but when ‘every now and then’, became a few times each day, I just knew something wasn’t right, this wasn’t me. I wanted to do what I had to do to ENJOY my babies. So, if that’s a little bit of prozac, and a glass of rouge in the evening when babies have been bathed and put to bed for the night, then so be it!

And so, I decided to create a blog which follows my HONEST life with Bonnie and Isla. From the absolutely crazy ‘I’m about to pull my hair out’ kind of moments, to the ‘holy crap, how lucky am I to have these two beautiful babes!!!’ kind of moments (do not fear, there is always more of the latter). I want to share ‘what works for me’ with other twin mums, expecting twin mums, or anyone who is interested (mum or not).

I am not a twin raising expert in any way, I just want to share my experiences, I often wonder ‘am I doing it right?’. When it comes to motherhood, I’m still learning, and something tells me I always will be…

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