Recently I stumbled upon these words and they jumped out at me. I couldn’t agree any more. Those words are my current state of mind…
Last Monday morning my husband Paddy left for Sydney, Australia. He went to start over in a new job with lots of change and lots of potential. In one month I will join him with Bonnie and Isla.
It’s so hard to describe the mixed bag of emotions and conflicting thoughts that are constantly crossing my mind. I am terrified yet excited, and it’s hard to explain it any other way.
Being left with a set of twins and in the third trimester of a pregnancy is wholly overwhelming… I have two little ones who are wholly dependent on me, I am wholly devoted on them, but without Paddy around to not only share the burden of all the menial parental tasks, but to also share the love and all of the funny little moments, as there are currently many of the latter. My iPhone memory is on overdrive, and Paddy’s inbox is in no doubt on overload with the influx of photos and videos I have been sending.
I am so excited at the thought of being reunited with my paddy, and to be together as a family again, to welcome a new baby in to our lives, and to share lots of family time together in a place that is so well catered to family life. All of the excitement can distract from the harsh reality that in four weeks I am taking my girls away from their two incredibly loving sets of grandparents; I’m separating them from my two sisters who have proven to be such loving aunties; Bonnie and Isla won’t see their loving “Uncle Paul Paul” every other day anymore; and I am walking away from a fantastic support network of amazing friends who I would have been lost over these last two years without (I’m hoping our group chat will encourage me through tough days, but it won’t be the same as a cuppa and a cry/laugh/rant with them); Not to mention having a newborn baby in an unfamiliar country and not having loving family and friends at hand to come and dote over the little squishy bundle.
What am I doing?
Are such huge sacrifices worth it?
Will we come home to visit much?
Paddy and I have had a tough year, and not in regards to raising twins, certainly not, they have been our buoy when things have been overwhelming, they’ve kept us afloat through dark times and they enable us to see the beauty and joy in what being a family is really about. It’s Bonnie and Isla who have helped us to make the decision to start a whole new adventure together, all four (and soon to be five) of us.
We’ve been called ‘nuts’ for doing what we are doing. And maybe that’s what it takes, the courage to be a little bit nutty and to pursue something which is both terrifying and amazing. How else could we take on such a big adventure?
And so for now, the countdown is on…